"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
