very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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