Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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