Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
