I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
