i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
