Umm I'm too high to move.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
