we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
