By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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