I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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