i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
