I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
