Dude my mom stole all your condoms
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
