Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
