mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
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He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
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