Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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