Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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