you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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