we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
