I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
