I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
