Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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