I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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