Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
