what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
