Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
