Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
