She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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