i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
