Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
