I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
