Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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