Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
