he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
