I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
