I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
