Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
third nipple confirmed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
