I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
