girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
