I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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