We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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