White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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