Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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