the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
