...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
