on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
