you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
