I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
