Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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