The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
