I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
