Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
