Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice