At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start