forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
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And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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