My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
