No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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