I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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