whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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