so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
