I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
