I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And then he peed in my hair
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