you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
