Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
