youre lurking in front of me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
