A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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