found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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