im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize